Yep, I have too much stuff! For 12 years I’ve rented a little garage in town to hold my “over-flow.” Even though I spent a lot of green on that garage, I tell myself that it’s all GOOD stuff, or IMPORTANT stuff, or THE KIDS’ stuff. But this week I called my sweet landlady, and told her, “I’m getting rid of my stuff. I won’t need the garage anymore (GULP!).” I’ve got two weeks–a deadline.
And that means I have to finally, at long last, after too many years of procrastination and avoidance, go through my STUFF. I have begun. Each day this week I have managed to ford my way through 4 boxes. By Sunday I should hit Box #28. At one point I counted up to 70 boxes of…books, old cassette tapes, photos, old letters & postcards, kids’ school papers, art supplies, greeting cards, teacher materials, scrapbooks, baby clothes, kids’ dolls, stuffed animals, historic articles of clothing (no inflatable petticoats, however), even an LP album or two.
After almost 60 years of walking on the planet, I learned that a little bit of knowledge can be a ___________ thing. (You know the word.) Did you know that there is a National Postcard Collector’s Association? Surely, THEY want my old postcards. And what is the value of these little Madame Alexander dolls? They MUST be collectible…even if the shoes are missing? And there is a certain (embarassing) down-side to having had my picture in the paper more times than “you can shake a stick at.” I have clippings, and copies of clippings. Shouldn’t I save them all? For my kids and grandkids? For a display at my funeral?
Yesterday I read through the calendars I kept when my daughter Wren was a baby. I had noted each little achievement, each tiny sneeze. As I read, I felt the years peel back. I could see her, smell her, feel her tugging on my clothes, cooing in my ear. I won’t keep the calendars. I will keep the memories, tucked in my heart (And now carefully recorded in a Word Doc).
Three days ago I finally tossed the “Sympathy” cards that were sent when my husband, Radio Rick Thorpe, died in 1991. I re-read everyone, smiling, crying and quietly noting how many of the good people who had sent cards back then had now passed on, just like Rick.
The odd part of this is that I feel like I keep bumping into myself on some strange road. It’s as if the part of me that is going forward brushes against the part of me that’s already been, and knocks things out of my own hands. So, I’m picking up little pieces of my life with each box, looking at them, turning them over and over in my hand, my head and my heart.
And maybe that’s why we all avoid this task, this taking care of business, this beginning with the end in mind. It’s tough to decide what to do with all of it! But this I’ve learned: #1–We can’t take it with us. #2–When we’re gone, someone else will have to figure out why we kept it. #3–It hurts to relive this life, even the sweetest parts.
Last night, after finishing my daily box quota, I turned to my sweet guy with tears. I told him that this task was harder than I had thought. I told him that I didn’t know that I could relive so much of my life in just one day. Tenderness. Laughter. Sorrow. Disappointments. Triumphs. Even anger. Yet I see what a lucky, beautiful life it has been.
It’s just stuff. So, if you’re like me with a mountain of clutter…begin it. There’s a great quote by the German philosopher Goethe: “Whatever you dare to do, begin it. There is magic in boldness.”
AND since I want to help stimulate our local economy, I recommend that you track down a Home Organizer to help you. There are several in our community. I’ll bet you may even have one of their business cards….somewhere in your STUFF.
My name is B.Z. Smith. I tell stories. This is one of them.
8 comments
Comments feed for this article
August 3, 2009 at 12:00 pm
Jen Zimmerman
After moving from my house to my parents, then 7 years of acting as executor of their “stuff”, I never want my children to have to decide what to do with all of my stuff. I’m asking them now what stuff is important to them. I am slowly emptying out old love letters,( third grade, but serious stuff), check stubs from my first account (cause the IRS might need that stuff),and the remnants of my first teddy bear (spiritual stuff). Oh yeah, and not to mention the ashes of both parents, two dogs, and a cat (family stuff). Luckily I have sibs and children to help decide where these will go. Did I say “luckily”. Hopefully it won’t take another 7 years for all to decide where to spread this stuff. Maybe a home organizer could help, or maybe it all just turns to dust eventually and our love gets carried away on a breeze or in a story. Keep on talking BZ, I’m listening. love you, Jen
August 4, 2009 at 7:21 am
B.Z. Smith
Thank you so much, Jen. I know you “get” it! This is such a part of this phase of our lives. What will our legacy be?
Please keep checking in. Even subscribe! Who knows what’ll pop out next. xoxoxo bz
August 5, 2009 at 7:22 am
B.Z. Smith
Hey, Jen…FYI: My journey with “stuff” really began after hubby Rick died. He had so much STUFF, and a lot of it had no context. Why had he kept certain things? I vowed then (1991) that my two daughters would not have deal with MY stuff, as you have done. Here’s the ironic rub: It turns out that I have a lot more stuff that Rick ever had! So, here I am trying to get a grip on it. Thanks for visiting me here. I hope you’ll SUBSCRIBE. I have no idea where I’m going with this, but it feels right!
xoxo zb
August 3, 2009 at 9:57 pm
Wendy
Ahh- BZ- you are a wonderful storyteller- in person and in print….more-more-more!
August 4, 2009 at 7:22 am
B.Z. Smith
Hey, Wendoh…Thanks for that! I love ya, Baby!
Please send this site on to others. If I can build an audience, I won’t feel like I’m telling to the wind. xoxoxo
August 10, 2009 at 4:58 am
Deb Budding
Hi BZ,
Linda sent me your link and, oh my gawd, I just read your blog and I have tears streaming down my face. Who would have thought a story about STUFF could be so heart rendering?! I empathized with every sentence, every remembrance, and related how I must go through my STUFF. My quest began last year before my new husband, Bob, (we just celebrated our first year anniversary on July 20th) moved to Modesto. But last years purging wasn’t enough–there’s more STUFF to go through. It’s time, once again, to begin anew and your story has motivated me and touched my heart.
Thank you for sharing. I’d love to read more..
Hugs,
Deb
August 10, 2009 at 5:40 am
B.Z. Smith
Hi, Deb…Why do we become so incredibly attached to little things? I’m still on this task (and will be for quite a while). Each new box is another layer of letting go. As I struggle with the huge emotional tug, I try to delve into that “why.” Please know that I encourage and support your own efforts! And nice to hear from you, too.
Pass this along…Maybe I’ll become like Julie in :Julie & Julia” and actually develop a following? WOW!
August 11, 2009 at 3:35 am
Wendy Griffiths-Bender
Hi Deb- interesting how our worlds intersect. the best of the rest of summer to you…Wendy